Too bad we havent broke up yet (marriage can be broken too)
Q : do you love sam.
Interrogation that i got so many times that im immune to it.
Answer, i do not know i guess. not until the day before i die. Along the way if everything remains the same, that we did nothing severe to hurt each other.
I guess, we love each other.
If anything happens, i wouldnt know. I might scorn. Lets just hope it doesnt happen, so il think i love.
A friend today told me that, many of his friends that married young, regretted. I havent regret YET, not a time. Everytime i think of my pregnancy or life im having now, im god damn fuck happy. Never want this to change. I always hated changes.
Im afraid, studies are going intense now and im not even halfway through it. I havent find the balance yet. When im meddling with my books, i think of blythe. When im bullying blythe..i think of my books. I feel that im not committed student or an attentive mother. I do not hope ill end no where in between them..
Why is sam not in my concern. HE’L ALWAYS BE THERE FOR ME. =] and so do I. Hes my least concern because i just know we’l be there for each other to make things right. Wouldnt know if this will last forever ( vague ) but.. for now, i might be the happiest wife for now.
Havent really write a review of being a young mother. Here i go.
FACTS
looked like shit. not really. Saggy boobs. very. in fact i feel very sad looking at my boobs sif lifes been suck out from them. Skin condition is OMFG BAD ( i have high expectation ) after 2 months delivering blythe. All my glow glow bullshit gone. Im all dry and pimply. DONT FUCKING TELL ME MY COMPLEXION IS OK! coz only i know how bad its gone. i have freckles than can feed you for a year.
low self esteem …not really coz never really been shy..true i do not know how to differentiate low self esteem and shyness. Saggy tummy..what saggy tummy?! its always been saggy its ok. Hips…prolly bigger than jupiter.
been asking sam everyday am i fat. and he will say im beautiful. WTF WAS THAT? direct insult!!
but its true im more beautiful now. Beautiful as in i feel more fulfilled.
The BULLSHITS.
“sad huh you cant party anymore”
i feel sad for you if that is your idea of having a child. Im not going to speak for all mothers im not even a good one to begin with. I always think when you think you are good enough, youl l just stop dead on a certain level. I party i go out quite alot. Best if i can bring my girl along but its just impossible unless im just shopping. My evil girl just dont siit still !
I think a healthy young mom should have a proper scheduled lifestyle. When there is a party you go. Not like you go everyday. But if you ask me is partying or going out is happier than spending time with my girl, i tell you now its a different kind of happiness.
I always have people asking me, is it true that when your girl smiles to you, you forgotten all the headache you have? or rather reality. NO. 60% of me will be thinking , oh my whatever god, im so happy to have her. I must have been an angel past life ( if i have one ). 40% of me. freaking out. AM I GOODD ENOUGH FOR HER? will i be able to give her an atleast comfortable life in the future. I do not know about other mothers, but i am one that thinks alot about future. I really want to give my best to her. If possible she will not need to worry if she’l be hungry or is there enough money for her to spend for her shopping. Yes i want that life for my daughter. like how my parents be able to fork me.
Is sex life as good’? no definitely. Because it has turned into another level that i cannot put in words. I do not miss him with all the butterflies in my stomach anymore. instead i will be worried if he doesnt pick up my call or i cant sleep without him beside my bed. Why is sex is not that frequent anymore. Because we rather spend our time., hugging and talk till we falls asleep. Or worry about expenses ( YES I DO WORRY ABOUT EXPENSES ) so its different now…or we’l be more worried if we;l wake up our princess… yaya too much details shut up don read.
Do i wanna get married. No i do not want to get marry. Not this young, not forever. I do not want to get married at all in fact. I love to be free. But since im already in marriage. All i can do is do my best. Temptation is always around and it all depends on how im gonna cope with it.
I did my part very well. That is to believe in that sanctity of marriage. I will go through ups and down, pain and death with sam. If you have anything to say, just come to me. I will slap you =]
I showed Sam everything, He said..”Jing fai yan” worthless being.
I showed my friend the same thing and she said “don bother”
Its quite sad when i concern about a person, at the end ill only get wounded all over. If a women loves a women, she dont give him shits. Most important thing is when im dancing in the club, my man is beside me having fun with me. Not separated from me.
I do not have a perfect life. Neither a perfect wife or mom. But im doing my best with giving out whatever possible.
p/s:Â Im not happy that im justifying myself. You shouldnt be happy as well because people see you as a problematic cunt.. come ask me who tells me that.
IM STILL ALIVE! what a sad news for you. Pest never really die!!=D *WIDE GLASGOW SMILE*
Fat and healthy below *grins
*i just love this T shirt to max. Wearing it like everyweek xD
But im near to death tho. Exams still going on hence the lack of update. I kind of forgotten how i used to write before my exams. been writing tonnes of essay in very appropriate vocabulary and grammar shit. .. how the fuck did i curse so easily last time..how to join in mch in every sentence = =”
anybuay…. UPDATE!
got me new cam Sony cybershot T90! AWESOME JOJOBA SHIT!~ I did asked around, people kept telling my sony sucks and its the nikon and lx3 generation. I should buy those
nop! i am a sucker for touch screen, metalic colours, sparkles ( ok it dint literally sparkles ) and..i dont like anything big. T90 is perfect for me. It seems like all T -series are meant for people like me hohoho!! not even close to the comments that Cybershot sucks. Its good. Fuck i know how to descibe what function it has..but its good! =D
oh my old camera survive the drown ofcoz. But I dont wanna ruin stuff that my parents gave me.. So i rather get a new one, if anything happened its at my own expense. If my old cam dint survive. I prolly cry and will be crying still. COZ IM MARRIED AND I FUCKING TREASURE WHATEVER THEY GAVE ME T__________T
ME
Id never really change i assume.
Despite married to sam, and have my blythe. I dont think ive withdrawn from my old habit of solitary yearning. And i procrsastinate to maximum. Im yet to post our Wedding dinner 2, Go over ceremony and also signing. OH! you even forgot im married. so do i =D
Below, go over ceremony.
AINT SAM CHARMING! now that im bored with his face already. We have kok how, Keith yes the cute one = = , half of tracy and jeff’s hand LOl!
extracted from Full moon party for Blythe. My friends are awesome! thanks to all that came and im still too lazy to post hehehehe. These are the friend..that i wish to grow old together =]
Another old habit revived, More like frenzy. NAILS!!! i cut down manicure after i got pregnant.im always addicted to painted sparky nails since 15 xD
IÂ spent thousand on Acrylic Paint, Nail lacquer and flatback crystal!!! But all these is before my resolution of NO SHOPPING IN 3 MONTHS!! i havent buy anything up to now! hmmpf! ( except for cam. its necessary xD )
im still wacky without elements of irrational, crazy and love doing random things
=D open the door so the wind will blow me away! its damn fun and only the gardens have this wind HHAHAH
shot by my Cybershot T90, FUCK YOU ITS GOOD!
My favourite heels, and also the most expensive of all after Lewre. Pig Skin lining. LOVE ITTTT! till now ^^
Blythe
come on, shes apart of me! frequent appearance since the day i have her ofcoz!
blythe before her head shaved =D
In the same afternoon after shave. BB suddenly seem big!
blythe of 12 June 2009
i cant wait to see my girl grow up..but in the same time im trapped in the dilemma.i dont want her to grow that fast either. See how fast she’d grown longer and bigger..and her hair WTF! not even one inch long after 2 months!!!! still as bald!.. i think time will pass very fast. Il appreciate every moment… before one day shes 18Â T____________T
US
sam and i..
hi there sam.. its been a year from the day i conceived, deliver and Blythe is 2 months already. How much we’ve been through i wonder.
are you..truly happy?
coz i am happy. That i can eat, sleep bath with you everyday.
Yes i am happy. But im never a married person. I cant be married. I can always imagine i have many kids running around me, but i cannot imagine, who is my another half. Perhaps i just cant bring myself to this. I never want to be married, but having you… its more than just paper. Sanctity of my love to you.. is greater than a piece of shiteous legal binding.
I don think, a marriage can bind two person truthfully together. It must come from heart, and for me i never like to be married, but Im conducting a truthful, till the end kind of companion. This is more than marriage, savvy sam? =]
“What will survive of us is love.” Larkin-42.
Lastly
To your dismay.. i am Belle, still quite of a beauty with plenty of elements in it.
Flaws and all and ahh yes, i Love jay chou, still not giving a fucking damn to what people thinks. At the end of the day, what will actually survive me is myself.
