I dont think i deserve to pass anyway, slacking and watch the whole series of gaki no tsukai. If i do pass, its either my luck (many other’s luck) OR im fucking intelligent. ..fuck it, it must be the luck. You bastards sure wish me fail…. but ive got august to resit you know? but i wont bother to retake if i fail all five subjects.
if i do fail all i agree i deserve it. NOT I DONT WTF?! i deserve to fail for 3 and not 5! i did loads of work on criminal law come on.
Daddy say.. I dint do enough.. Im wasting my time.. he is probably right. I was torn when he said that. but truth hurts right…. but i have the cheeks to say he hurt me in sms. Sorry dad, if i pass this exam ill tell you the truth. but if Yi read this entry OR fucktards read this post, you probably find out pretty soon. if you need to tell my dad this do include ” daddy, i love you nonetheless”.
Today, dad mom blythe and i went for a quick drink. He said, If i fail my exam.. i should resit. honestly, i almost cried on the spot.. WHAT HAVE I DID TO DESERVE DAD LIKE THIS?
i failed a levels few times, i lost counts. Â He have faith in me to let me fool around with his money and my youth to learn my lesson. I got straighten up after i got pregnant. ..loads of thanks to blythe.. she dont know how much she meant to me (yeah..probably repeated this for 23746187468176481734 times) S0 i finally passed my a levels and got into my 1st year…
wouldnt say it comes easily..coz i go for class until i was 7 or 8 months pregnant.. drive 45 minutes and pay rm15 for parking EACH FUCKING DAY. And to be carrying myself in that weight is crazy… but it makes me happy. Never in my life i felt so courages. Blythe you are awesome and i love you..despite you shout like nobody’s business now.
got into my 1st year..but so what? Try bring a mother and a student.. ITS MOTHERFUCKINGHARD.
Im not complaining.. but mother in law causes me so much trouble that kinda give up going to classes. But people wouldnt understand this.. “belle? nah just another lazy student” Â yap.. try to have a child, a mother in law, a husband and loads of shit throwing at your face when u goto classes and trying to find a slot to study.
1. Mother in law that throws her grandchild to her son and tell him, im out now. Take care of her.
babe, you are 75 yrs old.. you know your daughter in law just went to school about 2 hours ago, that makes her just sat in her class for 1 hour, you decided to tell your son to handle your grandchild which you promised to take care until your daughter in law comes back. IS YOUR SON JOBLESS? no he isnt. So your daughter in law need to rush back to take k of your grandchild and miss her class yet again. Despite you do that, your daughter in law cant be showing face or be upset about it. NICE ONE BABE. I LOVE YOU.
2. At times like this, you get to see awesome lecturers or likewise. There is lecturers who acts like a 6 yrs old kid. That show you stare stare, guling guling eyes, or the face that says “you are gonna fail so bad”
i think : ITS OK, GOT AUGUST. if i fail in august as well. youve pawn me.
Im not justifying the classes i missed. Its definitely my fault for  my incompetence to get things right. But, i work hard as well.
3rd can of coffee (shit tht i wouldnt take unless its a war) .. i miss you, wonder if you thinks of me too. Good night…
My mother in law is quite normal now. Just like when i am still in a dating status with her son. She is considerate nice and kind.
Before this.. many many things happened. Before she is how she is now, i took the last straw and i fought back when she interrupted conversation of me and sam. Ofcoz shes being very rude and loud and also no doubt telling me off because her son is so perfect.
I said :
“I know what you want to say. That all your daughter in law fail and i am the worse. Anything happen, every series of incident CANNOT BE YOUR SON’S FAULT. It will be your daughter in law. Yea, go ahead and say i am disrespectful because you know well you dont earn any”
to be honest. i am not proud of what i said. But she need to wake up. I am the last remain. She need to know if this continues, its gonna break apart coz i couldnt take anymore of her shit. And i cant held back my honest feelings. She brought back the old series of incident that happened. I defend and i explain. I did everything i could to make her understand she is giving me pain and what she is doing now is gonna ruin a family in a long run(quite immediately)
I can leave her and her denial. she is just another MIL that will not love her daughter in law as her own child. She is one MIL that will feel better if her son listens to her. We are women.. my friend said, there cant be 2 women in a house. I agree. it work very differently. I am in charge of her son now, taking care or whatsoever, therefore she need to be heard and to be “respect” to feel secure. But sorry.. it doesnt work that way… she proved herself wrong 2 times and if she wants the 3rd.. itl be too easy for her.
I continue to tell her things i kept in the corner of my heart. I remember her face when i told her what i really felt and things that she done which hurts. But obviously she thought im not aware of what she did. She think she is smart..but that is just because i chose to keep quiet and let things slide. So when the truth exploded on her face… she probably cannot really take it.
She said : i dont want to talk to you!
then she left the house for 2-3 days.
We dont talk. especially me. I dont eat the meal she cook, im sure that will make her feel better. I know her and i am lazy to explain here. The ignoring part last about 1 month long. Along the 1 month, i can see she is changing. But i am afraid to be hurt again so i remained quiet and mind my own business. One day, i realised.. we were talking like how we used to.. as in how we talk before i got married with her son.
Today she made me bird nest ginseng chicken essence. She said i need those coz i spend alot of time studying at night instead of sleeping. I feel like im back to 2 years ago.. i am so happy i can cry…
I think.. my guts for fighting for myself.. pays off. The truth that i never imagine myself telling her.. works. Yes.. we are all hurt.. in pain and the wounds might not just heal.. But atleast, after all the crash and error.. we RESET.
Format the memory system and install new one.
I will not ever claim i am a good daughter in law. I am never one. But no doubt.. i never once doubt my love for her. And i think that will overcome many thing.. even the countless shit she had it on my face. We are installing new system.. new memory and watever had happened.. we took it as a lesson.
To all my comrades (hahahahahaha), i dont know if i can be an example.. but try remember this in year head every time you feel your face is blowing off out of proportion.
“one who gives have no regret, one who is sincere is never a sly”
i said this to my friend.. and it works for me until now. It works for anything…
Giving without expecting a return.. it can be the hardest thing. But when you learn to not expect but give out your best.. you will feel great. You are making this world a better place.
I know i do seem like an angry person… but im never one if there is no reason to be angry or upset.
i like how things is going now. For the past few days, im doing spring cleaning on my friend list. I discarded everything i do not need. I talked to my parents, i love my brother, my girl can walk .. and sam and i are working things out. I like how things is calm now.. i was thinking do let this last for a while more.. exam is so soon. DONT JINX ME WTF! shit can come as much as they want after my exam. atleast my brain is taking its break by then.
Note : i will post up whatever i remembers and felt i posting. It will not be in order. so u guys need to do the patch work.
“It was all their fault”
I often heard this when my mil talks to me about my sister in laws ( as in sam’s brother’s wives ).
They are crazy, control freaks, teaches my son to dont listen to me, teaches their kids not to call me grandmother.
I felt my sisters in laws are fucking heartless to do that. How can they mistreat an old women like her??
Many times in front of my sister in law’s kids, she will say “your mother is crazy, heartless. why cannot call me grandmother? your mother useless balblblaba”
If you are the little girl or boy, can you accept your grandmother badmouth your mother? Behind them, she is like some evil split.
In front of them, shes an old women.. needs so much sympathy and aid.
I can say, i loathe her now. I can now see why does my sisters in laws do not want to associate with her. Because she was pretentious, if anything goes wrong, it must be her daughter in law’s fault. Not her precious son.
She screams at her daughter in laws. By doing so, do you think your son does not know you? I am so glad your son Sam is such an understanding husband and never once took your side. We are happier without you.
Mother in law, i loathe you. i really do. I took your bait, as my favourite person in the world.
There is no right or wrong now. No one will be able to stand in my shoes and understand the path i’ve gone thru. If you have been following my blog, you should know i always love my mother in law. But i just cannot afford to love her anymore.
1. I can imagine her telling blythe “your mother does not love you and your father. She is selfish and island you away from me”
2. I just can tell so well that whatever she did to my sister in law. I am the next.
Therefore i do not wanna go through that. I cant let my Blythe to be tormented by such quote. I am even more afraid of the feed of bad mouthing in the long run.
So whatever it takes, this is war , and i will never let it happen
Again you are free to judge however, whatever you want to say, I DONT CARE.
