Things will never ever be the same, i said you are out of my life means you are out. You dont need my forgiveness coz you think you forgave me damn much (wat fuck exactly i need to be forgiven? coz im sincere? WOW, religion teach u that much?). SHIT YOUR FACE AND YOUR FUCKED UP BRAIN.

You know well the fact that i did nothing. If you have problem with your low self esteem, head to the wall perhaps that will help coz no one will blame a retard.

Its not my fault im happy and have better life. I earned it, coz im never a backstabbing shit like you.

GROW THE FUCK UP GET THE FUCK OFF.  This will haunt me as long as i live, and if you will like this achievement, u have it. Ill hate you, despise u for the rest of my life.

He is a loving husband. That ditto whatever his wife said. Can be sarcastic to her. He thinks he sounds funny, we think so too but he dont know his wife dont take it well sometime. My parents, they are not perfect but they always do their best.

I let him down. Nothing hurts me more than letting my parents down. I basically put the options on the table and let him decide if i should or should not move forward

daddy : as your parents, we want the best for you. If there is a chance, i will definitely give you. Given that you appreciate and do your best.  you have so much more to walk, i left only 20 years (i fucking flood my eyes, it suddenly struck me..my parents dont live forever). Ive got nothing to lose. You must remember, you must rest well in order to complete what you should do. This applies on your studies and your future life. If you dont rest well, there is nothing u can do properly.

..sorry that ive did so many stupid avoidable mistakes in my life. I said sorry but i know its not gonna heal or make you feel better. As im typing this, he called and tell me to stop being sad, move forward.. and try my best again.

i dont deserve this honestly.. i took everything for granted. But one thing i know now, do better, and make him proud.

Thank you, for being such supportive father. Despite your annoying nagging and your mistakes that sometimes haunts me.. you are my best dad. you deserve a much more better daughter. unlike me.

Some friends, did not say good bye, but u know, its a farewell.

Perhaps there will be many people you address them as a friend, even they do not concern about you.

some.. has left you..eternally.. but, they never say goodbye, they never once leave.

It can be, i missed you too much. Did you really reach for me.. or its just a dream.

Im having trouble telling myself i will be ok. im doubting myself every now and then. I told no one.. not even admitting to myself,

“you are in big trouble”.

2 weeks ago, i went to sleep expecting a nightmare. But  i was sitting beside you. We were laughing. You look happy and you sound happy. We talked alot.. but i dont remember what we actually talked about. All i remember seconds before i know im waking up..

you said “wo xiang xing ni ke yi de” ( i believe you can do it, or i believe in you.)

and im awake. i have so much tears that my pillow is wet…find myself covering my face and cried out loud.

i am thinking.. did you now im in trouble.. are you here to tell me ill be fine. even if im not, ull be here for me?

I asked your brother.. he said.. you did not visit them or any others. im the only one up to date.

Tell me if its me subconsciously missing you too much, or you did really came for me.

..either way.. i thank you. i miss you and again i dint get to say goodbye to you.

you are one true friend.. that is not here physically and yet still care for me.

here..is your favourite song. How i wish.. ull comment in my blog, just like before. One day.. we will meet again.. and i know i probably still wont bid goodbye.

heart went *mika mode when i see you

cant get a grasp of you tho..

just gotto evaluate you base on feelings i guess

i hope ill get you in the future. our future.

man i totally love you.

BIRKIN

blinged camera.

ipod

pins

Blinging.Is a way to extend yet another level of personalization to your belongings.
Im using 100% swarovski or preciosa flatback rhinestone crystal. I also deliver passion along with quality work.

for more information just email me at beechybelle@gmail.com

PICTURES

celebrating with him for the 5th time. This year will be different tho

we have got blythe =D

just pimpin.

at zanmai. Eating out is never gonna be the same anymore. We take turns to eat. Take turns to entertain this monster.

ALERT TO ALL PARENTS. IF U EVER WANT TO BUY A BABY CHAIR. PLEASE BUY FROM IKEA. THE ONLY BABY CHAIR THAT KIDS CANT CLIMB. I CAN GUARANTEE THIS.

strolling around after eating. i think blythe had the most fun !

Last month, she cant walk that well yet. This month she dont need me to hold her hands anymore. SEE.. they grow so fast. Im gonna miss her holding my hands very soon from now =(

TOO CUTE. whoever that thinks otherwise, GO FUCK YOURSELF.

a little celebration with my family. =D

i dint expect a cake !

3 of us! i hope next year, blythe will sing me happy birthday. OH seconds ago, she just imitated my phone’s sms alert. DUT DUT DUT. wtf?!

brother, always my bro no matter what ppl say or judge. my only siblings.

On my birthday, i purposely turned off the notification in my facebook. make no sounds no hint. That night at 12am, no one text me. except in fb, i have a friend who remembers. BUT THTS BECAUSE HE BOUGHT ME THIS DOMAIN AND IT NOTIFY HIM THAT ITS TIME TO RENEW OR SOMETHING. sad fuck. i mean me.

I was torn and afraid. i mean last year, i need to silent my phone and spent alot of money replyin. this year none. proves that my social life has gone down to drain.. FML..

but.. well i guess i still have my family with me.. the most important i guess. Whoever that remembers thank you. YOu guys the best =] those that doesnt, its ok im over it. but i know just where i stand in your heart.

overall, its an awesome birthday celebration not because of awesome gifts or surprises like before, but its because blythe is with me. BEST GIFT I COULD EVER HAVE.

]]> http://beechybelle.com/blog/?feed=rss2&p=3146 3 http://beechybelle.com/blog/?p=3136 http://beechybelle.com/blog/?p=3136#comments Sat, 29 May 2010 21:48:51 +0000 belle http://beechybelle.com/blog/?p=3136 battle starts on monday 12pm. My exams.

I dont think i deserve to pass anyway, slacking and watch the whole series of gaki no tsukai. If i do pass, its either my luck (many other’s luck) OR im fucking intelligent. ..fuck it, it must be the luck. You bastards sure wish me fail…. but ive got august to resit you know? but i wont bother to retake if i fail all five subjects.

if i do fail all i agree i deserve it. NOT I DONT WTF?! i deserve to fail for 3 and not 5! i did loads of work on criminal law come on.

Daddy say.. I dint do enough.. Im wasting my time.. he is probably right. I was torn when he said that. but truth hurts right…. but i have the cheeks to say he hurt me in sms. Sorry dad, if i pass this exam ill tell you the truth. but if Yi read this entry OR fucktards read this post, you probably find out pretty soon. if you need to tell my dad this do include ” daddy, i love you nonetheless”.

Today, dad mom blythe and i went for a quick drink. He said, If i fail my exam.. i should resit. honestly, i almost cried on the spot.. WHAT HAVE I DID TO DESERVE DAD LIKE THIS?

i failed a levels few times, i lost counts.  He have faith in me to let me fool around with his money and my youth to learn my lesson. I got straighten up after i got pregnant. ..loads of thanks to blythe.. she dont know how much she meant to me (yeah..probably repeated this for 23746187468176481734 times) S0 i finally passed my a levels and got into my 1st year…

wouldnt say it comes easily..coz i go for class until i was 7 or 8 months pregnant.. drive 45 minutes and pay rm15 for parking EACH FUCKING DAY. And to be carrying myself in that weight is crazy… but it makes me happy. Never in my life i felt so courages. Blythe you are awesome and i love you..despite you shout like nobody’s business now.

got into my 1st year..but so what? Try bring a mother and a student.. ITS MOTHERFUCKINGHARD.

Im not complaining.. but mother in law causes me so much trouble that kinda give up going to classes. But people wouldnt understand this.. “belle? nah just another lazy student”  yap.. try to have a child, a mother in law, a husband and loads of shit throwing at your face when u goto classes and trying to find a slot to study.

1. Mother in law that throws her grandchild to her son and tell him, im out now. Take care of her.

babe, you are 75 yrs old.. you know your daughter in law just went to school about 2 hours ago, that makes her just sat in her class for 1 hour, you decided to tell your son to handle your grandchild which you promised to take care until your daughter in law comes back. IS YOUR SON JOBLESS? no he isnt. So your daughter in law need to rush back to take k of your grandchild and miss her class yet again. Despite you do that, your daughter in law cant be showing face or be upset about it. NICE ONE BABE. I LOVE YOU.

2. At times like this, you get to see awesome lecturers or likewise. There is lecturers who acts like a 6 yrs old kid. That show you stare stare, guling guling eyes, or the face that says “you are gonna fail so bad”

i think : ITS OK, GOT AUGUST. if i fail in august as well. youve pawn me.

Im not justifying the classes i missed. Its definitely my fault for  my incompetence to get things right. But, i work hard as well.

3rd can of coffee (shit tht i wouldnt take unless its a war) .. i miss you, wonder if you thinks of me too. Good night…